You make me crazy when…

…You crawl in my lap to get a little love, throw your paw up on my arm and start sniffing it like it’s glue. And then, when I look down to see what’s going on, I noticed that your perfectly white paw is not so much white, but more like BLOODY PINK, and then I realize that you are not the domesticated creature I thought you were. Also, thanks for leaving your murder victim in the driveway for me to run over this morning. You rock, you dirty hunter, you.

What’s Labor Day if you’re not doing work?

So THIS is what you’re supposed to do on a cool, rainy holiday:

Charles in Charge (image by me)

Lucy McLucifer (image by me)

They totally stole this from me

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I adore DailyCandy and all its treasures. Today’s weekend guide features “FutureMe,” a site that allows you to send an email to your future self – but you set the date of arrival. Like, in 2015 or something.

Here’s what I’m sending to myself (the edited version):

Dear You (which is actually Me, so try not to get confused here),

Today is August 20, 2009. The power bill is due today. I will try not to forget to pay it today if you’ll try to remember to pay it then. Probably you (me? we?) are still living in the same house you live in now, in which case you have SERIOUSLY got to fix the master bath. Also, I noticed this morning that the shower doors are sticking. Fixing that in the next five years should be a goal. Think about a sunroom, too. You would LOVE that.

Brian works at Pepsi (do we still hate Pepsi the company but love Pepsi the Diet Sunkist?) and you (I? we?) work at the college. You are an advisor, but we’re not exactly sure what that means. We think you help students, but mostly you are trying to finish your master’s degree. Good luck with that – you only have four more months and GOOD GOD I DO you better have finished it by the time you get this email.

Right now you (me? I? we?) are either a) worried about the following things or b) wondering what will happen to the following things (in random order):

1. Money (but that’s nothing new, nor will that change, I’m sure)
2. Finishing grad school
3. Brian finishing grad school
4. Will we ever have kids?
5. Is Drew marrying (anyone) or will he stay single forever?
6. The blog becoming a business
7. The blog becoming a book
8. What blog?
9. Half Baked, Twice as Good
10. Oh, THAT BLOG
11. Cancer
12. Everyone else’s cancer
13. Our parents getting old
14. Will my MIL marry (blank)?
15. Does the Fab Four even know each other now? Are we still fab?
16. In the future, will we have liked “Eat Pray Love” the movie?
17. Does Britney Spears turn out okay?
18. The PhD. Did we reconsider or bite the bullet and do it?
19. We love our house but it’s too small. Should we add on? Buy a new one?
20. This is turning into a Magic 8 ball experience.
21. Or a ouija board experience.
22. Ask Mom about the ouija board. She used to LOVE that thing.
23. Today, Lucy and Charlie are healthy, roly-poly balls of loveable, five year-old fluffiness. Miss Kitty lives with Mom & Dad, and Drew just added Henry Biscuit and Gravy to the cat household of Officer Kitty Kat McFuzzy Nuts.
24. We still go to the farm at Thanksgiving.
25. Do you still have all that anxiety shit?
26. You should get rid of that if you do.
27. Did what you think would happen actually happen?

(That sounded super cheesy, didn’t it? I wonder if that’s what your students thought when you made them do this exercise on the first day of class a couple of years ago in ACA. The FutureMe people TOTALLY STOLE THIS FROM US.)

Love,

Me. (I? We?)

By the numbers

Tomorrow we leave for the beach for a week. I’ve been talking this up for several reasons, not the least of which is that it’s the first time I’ll be spending a week with my in-laws since…ever. We’ve done long weekends, short weekends, overnights, but never a whole big fat solid week. It will be interesting. Also it’s the first time in the five years since we’ve been married that ALL the peeps will be together as one. For at least one night, all of us big and small will gather under one roof, celebrate a birthday and wake up the next day in the same house.

So. Here it is…by the numbers.

30: The number of people that will have drinks at our shrimp boil porch party.

24: The number of pounds my suitcase will most likely weigh.

17: The number of people on the most crowded night in the house.

12: The number of two-liter drinks BB has purchased.

12: The number of two-liter drinks BB has purchased that have both caffeine and sugar.

7: The number of nights we’re staying. (We think.)

4: The number of pork tenderloins it will take to feed half our group.

8: The number of wine bottles accompanying me on the trip.

11: The number of books I plan to read on the sand.

45: The SPF on our six bottles of sunscreen. (It won’t be enough. Expect another post about sunburn.)

6: The number of children we’ll have running amongst us.

2: The number of hours it will take us to get there. (It’s not enough.)

2: The number of cats that will have shred our furniture to pieces because we left them for a week.

1: The number of people I would actually do all this for. You’re a lucky duck, BB!

Take THAT, Universe

“You may take on too many tasks today and then feel frustrated that you didn’t finish everything you started. Nevertheless, your self-judgment can be overly harsh, for others see what you did, rather than what was left undone. Instead of criticizing yourself, try to enjoy the variety of activities that fill your day. It’s not always about production; sometimes the most significant experiences are the transient ones that have no apparent tangible value.” – My horoscope for July 5th

So maybe the universe thinks that I am no get-it-done multi-tasker, but I have proof otherwise:

1. The bathroom drawers and shelves (which had not been “organized” since we moved in 5 years ago).

2. My closet (shoe rack $19.99 from Target).

3. The avalanche of laundry which no longer exists (that’s Lucy in the Clothes Cave).

4. Meditation Podcasts (thank you readers for your recommendations).

5. Dry erase calendar (it’s the only way we know what day it is).

Needless to say, this was pretty much the most boring 4th of July of all time most productive weekend that I’ve had in while, and I got a little lonely what with Beebs at work the whole time. Our fireworks were apparently on a budget this year, but at least we had some – I saw on the news that a lot of small towns across the country were canceling their celebrations to save money.

So this is my weekend in a nutshell, and no, you’re not getting the webcam video because I like to lie a lot and not keep my promises.