You make me crazy when…

You spew idiotic things from your mouth and are surprised when people get offended. Think before you speak. It’s one of the greatest gifts of the brain, and you should use it.

On getting nothing and liking it

So ever since my brother was old enough to realize that I am the materialistic monster he always suspected me to be, his standard response when asked what he wants for his birthday is always, “Nothing. Not a damn thing. You know I don’t want anything for my birthday/Christmas/President’s Day/Easter/Grandparents Day/whatever.”

Well his birthday is this Saturday, and when I made my requisite phone call to find out if this year is any different from the last 10, Brian was reminded of that famous line from Caddyshack: “You’ll get nothing and like it.” This might be his year to get nothing. And I’m pretty sure he’s not going to like it.

In other news, my husband’s best friend and I had the following email conversation this morning:

Me: Hey, what are we supposed to wear to your rehearsal dinner Friday night? I know the invitation said casual, and if it were up to Brian, he’d wear pajamas, but since I’m the one who has to dress him, I need to know.

Best Friend: I submitted to my fiancee’s direction in clothing me quite some time ago.  Why else would I get married if not to have a new mommy run my life?  Duh!

Me: Clothing decisions aren’t the only ones you’re giving up. Brian looked at me the other day and said, “Where am I supposed to be today?” Total world domination is FINALLY mine.  

Lucky for me though, Brian gets nothing and does like it. And that’s the way it should be. Welcome to marriage, Ellis and Megan!